Tag Archives: daughter

A Note of A Working Mom #2

So today’s Maryam’s second day at her Daycare (Childcare). And yes, of course, yesterday was her first. Nanny-less days have come and the episode of morning-crying-along-the-way-to-office starts again. I said, it is this (unexpectedly) uneasy of leaving my daughter “alone”, even more at a Daycare, with some nannies I have just known for the last few days. But it is my and my husband’s choice of giving a trust at a Daycare. At least, there won’t be TV-series-without-value (sinetron–in Indonesia) she’ll going to watch during at the Daycare. And by then, as she growing, we hope that she’ll be more sociable than if she “just” staying at home with her “only” nanny.

She looked sad when I picked her up after around 4 hours staying at the Daycare. I knew she was looking for me and her dad. And when she woke up from her nap, she did not find either me or her dad. 😥

Though I’m starting to think of giving up my “formal” job. A bit. But it’s not that easy. I will only give up my job as I start pursuing my master degree, and start over something bigger after my master study. And that’s keeping me to be motivated to stay at the office a bit “longer”. This is what I chose. And all must have its trade-off. I chose to make my career as running my family life, so that I have to let some of my time not seeing my daughter at least half of my day. And this is how I train my self, that someday she’ll step her feet and see others, not to share her whole lifetime with only me, and that I have to let her run her own life.

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Posted by on August 5, 2015 in Uncategorized


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A note of a working mom

I never thought that it was this uneasy to be a working mom. It’s not that you have wake up earlier than ever: to clean a breast-pump, feeding bottles, cook sometimes, wash clothes sometimes, and take care some other things at home. It’s also not about that I have less “me-time” to just take an hour or two watching films on Youtube, or cinema; or go to a shopping mall to sit and chat with a couple of close friends. It’s also not about that I have to wake in mid night to change a diaper or feed my baby.

It was the hardest thing to see your sweet, innocent, cheerful little daughter who has fallen asleep in your hugs, but soon within the next minutes you have you leave her at home, “alone”. And when it was my first day back to work after 3 months of maternity leave (meaning I have almost 3 months seeing my baby growing in her every minutes), I cried along the way to my office. And it just needs a minute or two to miss your little baby girl.

The thing is completely different. Five to ten years ago, I said to my self that I will be a mom who will be just able to leave my kids at home, to do some academic research here and there. Even if it takes for weeks, or months. And all will be ok. I was dreaming to be a lecturer and researcher at the time, and I saw one of my aunt was doing so and everything was just fine and great. But then, it turns to be completely wrong, just after I raise my own kid. I do not want–and will not be able–to leave my kids for all those things.

to be continued

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Posted by on May 28, 2015 in Uncategorized


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